Published: December 26, 2008 01:12 pm      

Guys beef up with King's manly scent

I like to think of myself as a manly man. I use a Braun razor and Brute cologne. Wranglers are my favorite jeans, and if I were a dude who smoked, my brand most likely would be Marlboro.

What’s more appealing to women than a leather-vest-wearing cowpoke riding the range on his trusted steed while puffing on a cigarette?

Well, I think I may have discovered something even better.

Burger King has launched a beef-scented body spray.

That’s right, the home of the Whopper has originated a men’s body spray called “Flame.”

The company describes the spray as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

Watch out girls – it looks like you can now have your man your way.

The Associated Press has reported that the fragrance is on sale at New York City retailer Ricky’s NYC and online for a limited time at a price of $3.99.

Burger King is marketing the product through a Web site featuring a photo of its King character reclining fireside in a provocative pose.

I’m giddy about this new product because my wife’s favorite burger is the Whopper.

Now, instead of clumsily spilling the contents of the burger on my shirt to get her attention, I can simply give myself a spritz of “Flame.”

I can toss out my signature fragrance and upgrade to a flame-broiled scent.

The only drawback is that packs of canines would follow me wherever I go.

Fire-broiled meat may sound strange, but – I’m not kidding here – there’s also a fragrance that smells like a locker room.

I’ve been in plenty of locker rooms, dating back to my high school athletic days, and I can’t recall a single stench that I would spray on myself after taking a shower.

Called “Scent of Success” by Sports Interactive, the locker-room scent is a scrumptious blend of grass, boot leather, sweat and heat in a spray.

I think the boot leather may be acceptable, but I would have dropped the perspiration ingredient.

We must remember that every scent or cologne smells different on every person. So if beef-scented body spray smells good on your best friend, it could end up smelling like a newborn’s first few diapers on you.

If possible, try the cologne before buying it.

Never assume that what smells good on everyone else will smell good on you.

I like the smell of roofing tar, but others turn up their nose at the aroma.

If scientists could perfect certain smells, men would line up around the block to buy them.

What woman could resist the smell of canned salmon, barbecue sauce, garlic bread, hard salami or hot sausage?

But let’s not forget women’s fragrances.

Men absolutely would be powerless if a perfume company came out with a line titled “Carnival Mist.”

What man could resist a woman who smelled of funnel cake, deep-fried Oreos, corn dogs and onion rings?

The same company could produce a uni-fragrance appealing to both sexes and called “Kettle Corn.”

Armed with my newfound knowledge, I decided to buy my wife a new fragrance for Christmas.

As a joke, I approached the woman working the perfume counter at a local department store and asked if she had anything that smelled like baked lasagna.

Imagine my surprise when she asked, “Meat or vegetarian?”