Published: February 22, 2008 02:32 pm      

Sniffin' and bawlin' at barbershop | TOM LAVIS

BY TOM LAVIS

TLAVIS@TRIBDEM.COM

I walked into Big Mike’s Barbershop just as the conversation was heating up.

“Sure, he’s purty, but would he be able to handle an area like Dead Man’s Swamp?” asked Spider Horn, who was waiting to get a trim.

“Don’t let his good looks fool you, he’s got a great pedigree and looks like he has the stamina to finish what he starts,” said Bucky Gancos, the once geeky neighbor kid who now is a confirmed bookworm.

As usual, I jumped into the fray without really knowing all the details.

As a trained journalist, I used my powers of observation to determine that from all their hand-waving and expressions on their faces, these guys had to be talking about politics and the presidential campaign.

“I think John McCain is a shoe-in on the Republican side, and Pennsylvania has a good shot at being the state to decide the Democratic nominee,” I said, as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

Tank Perkins, who was in the barber’s chair, called me a fool and told me to sit down and give my powers of observation a rest.

“We’re talking about one of the biggest upsets in the history of the big show,” Tank said.

I once again bulldozed into the conversation by assuming that they had to be talking about the Manning pedigree and the influence it had on Eli’s performance in ending the New England Patriot’s perfect season.

“You’re getting closer, Mr. Newspaper,” Crutch Crupnik said. “The individual we are talking about has three letters in his name, but it’s not Eli. It’s Uno.”

I was just about to explain how I thought Uno was a great family game – simple for kids yet challenging to all ages – when Crutch told me not to even mention the card game.

It turns out these guys were discussing the results of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show at Madison Square Garden.

Uno became the first beagle to win best of show award since the show’s inception 132 years ago. That’s 924 in dog years.

“That’s like a Shetland pony winning the Kentucky Derby,” Bucky said. “The judge was a dude by the name of Dr. J. Donald Jones.”

Tank said he thought the J. was for either Jethro or Junior.

“Junior Jones most likely comes from a long line of rabbit hunters, because there’s nothing more satisfying than a lovable beagle that hunts,” Tank said.

But Jones is from Marietta, Ga., a state where marsh rabbits run like lightning because they’re usually dodging water moccasins.

The conversation quickly switched to the best beagle each of us has owned.

“My best dog was Barney,” I chimed in.

Half the guys in the shop had an opportunity to hunt over Barney, and they knew he was a champion even without a cup from Westminster.

“He once brought a rabbit around three times, and I missed the rabbit each time,” Crutch said.

“Barney looked at me on the third pass, and I swear the expression on his face was, ‘How could you have missed again?’ ”

Uno, the 2-year-old, 15-inch-tall beagle, received a round applause that rivaled any ovation even former New York Knicks Patrick Ewing would receive at the Garden.

“I was rooting for the Tibetan mastiff. But Uno is giving the hound world something to howl about,” Crutch said.

“What dog took the toy poodle group?” Big Mike asked as he removed the barber cape from Tank.

We all looked at him quizzically.

“What? My wife owns one and I thought she’d be interested,” Big Mike said. “Quit looking at me like that, I’m a bassett hound man.”